Washington quotes
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An automatically created list of quotes by the Washington family.
On this page: Ed | Elaine | Tamika | Marvin | Xavier | Kelly
Ed
| “ | Kelly: Picnics in the rain are fun. Ed Washington: No...they’re not. They’re just...wet. |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: Well, then why can't she just sleep on the fold-out couch until then? Ed Washington: You're forgetting the last time you slept on that thing when Grandma came to visit. Tamika Washington: Oh, yeah. My back hurt so bad that I couldn't stand completely straight for a week. Marvin thought it was hilarious and kept calling me "Quasimodo". |
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| “ | Ed Washington: It's designed to pump out 50 bubbles a second! |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: Ed, is this going to make me want to hit you or kiss you? Ed Washington: I'm hoping for the latter. Marvin Washington: Why are we going to need the ladder? Tamika Washington: Is this a tree house? |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Ed Washington: What!? What's wrong?! Elaine Washington: A mouse, I just saw a mouse run across the floor over there!! Marvin Washington: Was it a ghost mouse? |
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| “ | Ed Washington: Innovative, but you're a little wrinkled. Marvin Washington: So is Grandma, and no one makes her change for church! |
” |
| “ | Bart Rathbone: We just love Ellen! Ed Washington: Elaine. |
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| “ | Xavier Washington: What's the deal? Is the ice cream that good? Ed Washington: I don't know, but you can't really go wrong when it's free! Xavier Washington: Free?! Mr. Whittaker said you could give away the ice cream for free? Ed Washington: No! It was sort of my idea! Xavier Washington: Are you sure it was a good one? Ed Washington: No, I'm pretty sure it wasn't! I'm gonna bankrupt the shop, and I don't even work here! |
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| “ | Jason Whittaker: Hey Ed, do you think that Dad tried to make it here to your house? Ed Washington: If he did, he never showed up. |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: Ed! Maybe you should let a mechanic look at it, honey. Remember the time you tried to fix the starter with my curling iron and a scrunchy? Ed Washington: Don't remind me. |
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| “ | Kelly: Come on. There's no need to beat around the bush. We're not kids. Ed Washington: Funny. Last time I checked you were. |
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| “ | Ed Washington: You kids don't know how easy you have it. Elaine Washington: That's right. No bills, no budget. Ed Washington: No worries, no stress. Marvin Washington: No money... |
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| “ | Ed Washington: Do you know where you are, Max? Max Hampton: On the ground? Ed Washington: I mean what park. Max Hampton: Yellowstone? |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Hey, maybe Xavier took the jar with him. You know how he likes pickles. Ed Washington: I don't think pickles would fit well in his suitcase, and I don't think his mom would appreciate washing pickle juice out of his clothes. |
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| “ | Mr. Green: You're a dinosaur. Ed Washington: I'm not a dinosaur. I'm a dad! |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: Well, back to the fun. I'm unpacking your sock collection. Ed Washington: Those aren't just socks, Elaine! Those are priceless mementos! |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: But, Dad, you get to buy stuff you want all the time! Ed Washington: Such as? Marvin Washington: Uh, well, toothpaste! Tamika Washington: And don't forget the new toilet plunger! Ed Washington: Toothpaste and a toilet plunger! Suddenly I feel like a very rich man. |
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| “ | Abraham Darrow: Ed, tell me about the Black Hawk War. Ed Washington: <stammering> It was... awful... lots of fighting. Abraham Darrow: It hasn’t happened yet! Ed Washington: Man! Abraham Darrow: Keep studying. |
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| “ | Ed Washington: My life is not a political statement. It's a statement about the faithfulness of God. |
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| “ | Ed Washington: C'mon, tell me. Deep down. You do think I'm crazy, don't you? Elaine Washington: Deep down? No. Ed Washington: Really? Elaine Washington: That's because deep down, I know you. You need people. So do I. [...] You wanted a get your hands dirty kind of ministry. Maybe this is your chance. You get to be with people and minister, face to face. |
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| “ | Ed Washington: Ok, but there's something else too. Elaine Washington: What? Ed Washington: God may have nudged me in the opposite direction today. I got promoted. Elaine Washington: To what? Ed Washington: Vice President of Acquisitions. It's supervisory, I wouldn't make my trips to Whit's End anymore. But it's a 20% raise! Elaine Washington: Tw-tw-twenty percent? Ed Washington: So you wanna take back what you just said? Elaine Washington: Kind of. ... But I guess I can't, huh? Ed Washington: Sure you can. Elaine Washington: No, no. I won't. Because I know no matter what, God will take care of us. |
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| “ | Ed Washington: Do you have your verse memorized? Marvin Washington: Uh, yeah! Uh, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." Ed Washington: Your verse, Marvin! |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Maybe we could all shave our heads. That'll show unity! Ed Washington: We're not that unified. |
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| “ | Ed Washington: Nice shirt, Bart. I have one just like it. Bart Rathbone: Yeah, yeah I know! It's yours. |
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| “ | Marvin: There's not gonna be a next game. I'm quitting. Ed: That's too bad. I need a right-fielder. Richville's got a lot of lefties. Could be a lot of balls going to right. Marvin: Put Joey out there. He can catch better than me. Ed: But Joey's my left fielder. Marvin: Then put a porpoise in right field! |
” |
| “ | Ed: Dinner should be ready in about half an hour. And I'm not sliding under the bed. Goodness knows how long it would stay here! |
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Elaine
| “ | Elaine Washington: Ed, is this going to make me want to hit you or kiss you? Ed Washington: I'm hoping for the latter. Marvin Washington: Why are we going to need the ladder? Tamika Washington: Is this a tree house? |
” |
| “ | Elaine Washington: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Ed Washington: What!? What's wrong?! Elaine Washington: A mouse, I just saw a mouse run across the floor over there!! Marvin Washington: Was it a ghost mouse? |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: Since when did you become a weight guesser? Wooton Bassett: Since Gus left on his break 15 minutes ago and asked me to cover for him. |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: Ed! Maybe you should let a mechanic look at it, honey. Remember the time you tried to fix the starter with my curling iron and a scrunchy? Ed Washington: Don't remind me. |
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| “ | Ed Washington: You kids don't know how easy you have it. Elaine Washington: That's right. No bills, no budget. Ed Washington: No worries, no stress. Marvin Washington: No money... |
” |
| “ | Elaine Washington: Well, back to the fun. I'm unpacking your sock collection. Ed Washington: Those aren't just socks, Elaine! Those are priceless mementos! |
” |
| “ | Elaine Washington: What are you doing here? Bart Rathbone: Doris kicked me out. Elaine Washington: Oh. Engine parts in the dishwasher again? Bart Rathbone: No. Cheese Doodles in the shower. |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: What if you'd gotten hurt, or—I don't know, mugged? Kelly: We live on Sesame Street. Who is gonna mug me? |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: So, my darling children... Marvin Washington: Um, can we rewind about four minutes and act like this never happened? Elaine Washington: I don't think so. Why don't we all sit down and... have a chat. Marvin Washington: <very nervously> Chat? |
” |
| “ | Ed Washington: C'mon, tell me. Deep down. You do think I'm crazy, don't you? Elaine Washington: Deep down? No. Ed Washington: Really? Elaine Washington: That's because deep down, I know you. You need people. So do I. [...] You wanted a get your hands dirty kind of ministry. Maybe this is your chance. You get to be with people and minister, face to face. |
” |
| “ | Ed Washington: Ok, but there's something else too. Elaine Washington: What? Ed Washington: God may have nudged me in the opposite direction today. I got promoted. Elaine Washington: To what? Ed Washington: Vice President of Acquisitions. It's supervisory, I wouldn't make my trips to Whit's End anymore. But it's a 20% raise! Elaine Washington: Tw-tw-twenty percent? Ed Washington: So you wanna take back what you just said? Elaine Washington: Kind of. ... But I guess I can't, huh? Ed Washington: Sure you can. Elaine Washington: No, no. I won't. Because I know no matter what, God will take care of us. |
” |
| “ | Elaine Washington: Don't you remember the snowflakes?! |
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Tamika
| “ | Tamika Washington: You have to grow up sometime. |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: I think it'd be fun for you to work at Whit's End. Marvin Washington: Me, too. We could get free ice cream instead of free toys! |
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| “ | Connie Kendall: I made Eugene cry!! Tamika Washington: You made Eugene cry?! |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: Well, then why can't she just sleep on the fold-out couch until then? Ed Washington: You're forgetting the last time you slept on that thing when Grandma came to visit. Tamika Washington: Oh, yeah. My back hurt so bad that I couldn't stand completely straight for a week. Marvin thought it was hilarious and kept calling me "Quasimodo". |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: Ed, is this going to make me want to hit you or kiss you? Ed Washington: I'm hoping for the latter. Marvin Washington: Why are we going to need the ladder? Tamika Washington: Is this a tree house? |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: Marvin, I can't believe you just slammed the door on Mr. Whittaker! Marvin Washington: That wasn't Mr. Whittaker. That was a big Girl Scout with a mustache. Tamika Washington: That's even worse! |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: Where's my air freshener? <sprays her air freshener> Kelly Washington: What's that smell? Tamika Washington: The scent is called "Butter Cream Frosting," and it beats repulsive sandwich any day! Kelly Washington: It smells like the Keebler factory exploded or something! Ugh, it's too sweet. Where did I put my air freshener? Ah, here it is. <sprays her air freshener> Tamika Washington: Oh, great, like that's any better. Instead of rotten tuna, we have... ugh, herd of cows! It's disgusting! Kelly Washington: It is not. It doesn't smell anything like a herd of cows. It's called "New Leather," actually! |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: But you're not a lawyer! Eugene Meltsner: Well, heh heh, not in the "professional" sense, of course but... but I took a civil law class during my time at college, and since then, I've continued to study law books for light bedtime reading. |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: I’m gonna lose the sticker contest! Marvin Washington: I have a big hole on my head and I’m wearing dirty clothes! |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: Are you feeling as guilty as I am? Marvin Washington: Are you ready to crawl under a rock? Tamika Washington: Uh-huh. Marvin Washington: Then yes. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: But, Dad, you get to buy stuff you want all the time! Ed Washington: Such as? Marvin Washington: Uh, well, toothpaste! Tamika Washington: And don't forget the new toilet plunger! Ed Washington: Toothpaste and a toilet plunger! Suddenly I feel like a very rich man. |
” |
| “ | Tamika Washington: Do you think your lobster even got a chance to say goodbye to his friends in the tank over there? How could he? He was swept away by a guy with tongs before he even noticed what was happening! Unknown: You saw that? Tamika Washington: Yes, and I could almost hear his lobster screams: "Goodbye, friends! Goodbye, world! I'm off to be buttered and cracked open with metal pliers!" Enjoy your meal! Unknown: Waiter? Waiter (c): Yes? Unknown: Did you happen to hear my lobster...scream when it came out of the tank? |
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| “ | Bart Rathbone: What's in it for me [if I come to church]? Tamika Washington: You get to sing songs. Bart Rathbone: You do any Willie Nelson? |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Honey, I'm home! Tamika Washington: Will you stop that?! |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: This is a sensitive subject! Mr. Whittaker is obviously rich, and so he's not going to heaven. Someone sensitive needs to tell him. Marvin Washington: I'm sensitive! Tamika Washington: Marvin, this morning you told Mom that the wrinkles on her face reminded you of our trip to the Grand Canyon. Marvin Washington: The Grand Canyon's beautiful! |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: So it was Bernard who died. Bernard Walton: What? No, I didn't die! I'm standing right here in front of you! Tamika Washington: Oh. Right. |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: You're putting sugar on your honey puffs? That's like putting sugar on sugar. |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: These kids are driving me crazy! Mr. Jenkins: Eh... sorry to hear that. |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: How much do you get paid? UPF Phone Operator: <sighs> Not nearly enough. <hangs up> |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: Do you hear that awful noise out there? Wooton Bassett: Oh, that only sounds awful; it's, ah...alternatively gonna sweep the nation! Tamika Washington: Are you serious? Wooton Bassett: Uh, as serious as I am when I say that Marvin is gonna see this tape? |
” |
| “ | Tamika Washington: Is Mr. Whittaker here? Bernard Walton: He's a half hour late is what he is. I've been jumping around like a cat in a hot tin roof covered with freshly laid tar. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: It looks like a fish! Tamika Washington: A fish with a giant gun coming out of its forehead? |
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Marvin
| “ | Tamika Washington: I think it'd be fun for you to work at Whit's End. Marvin Washington: Me, too. We could get free ice cream instead of free toys! |
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| “ | Trent DeWhite: What happened? Marvin Washington: Somebody hit you with jello. |
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| “ | Trent DeWhite: Marvin, we've been practicing for over five hours today. My string fingers have blisters on top of calluses, and we don't seem to be getting any better. I don't care about the "invisible groove of the soul"; I would be satisfied with anything remotely resembling music! Marvin Washington: ...I think what's going on here is called the "tension of harmony". Trent DeWhite: You made that one up, too! |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: Ed, is this going to make me want to hit you or kiss you? Ed Washington: I'm hoping for the latter. Marvin Washington: Why are we going to need the ladder? Tamika Washington: Is this a tree house? |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: OINK! |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Trent, you may very well be walking in the presence of the future fundraising champ of Odyssey Middle School! Trent DeWhite: Wow. Y'know, I think I'm getting goosebumps. |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Ed Washington: What!? What's wrong?! Elaine Washington: A mouse, I just saw a mouse run across the floor over there!! Marvin Washington: Was it a ghost mouse? |
” |
| “ | Ed Washington: Innovative, but you're a little wrinkled. Marvin Washington: So is Grandma, and no one makes her change for church! |
” |
| “ | Tamika Washington: Marvin, I can't believe you just slammed the door on Mr. Whittaker! Marvin Washington: That wasn't Mr. Whittaker. That was a big Girl Scout with a mustache. Tamika Washington: That's even worse! |
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| “ | John Whittaker: Everything all right in there? Marvin Washington: I guess so. I haven't gotten sick yet. John Whittaker: Good. Uh, one thing's still the same as the old model. Marvin Washington: Push the red button? John Whittaker: You got it. Have fun. |
” |
| “ | Trent DeWhite: Mr. Whittaker, that was the coolest Imagination Station adventure ever! Marvin Washington: Yeah, and the best math class I've ever had. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Is there such thing as a tiny camel? Like, like really small? Like, smaller than my pinky? |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Hey, are you going to eat those mashed potatoes? Trent DeWhite: No, you can have them. Marvin Washington: Ready... aim... Trent DeWhite: No! I can't allow you to launch my mashed potatoes! |
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| “ | Trent DeWhite: Wooton, why are you filming up my nostrils? Marvin Washington: Use the zoom, Wooton! |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Now I got a blister on my thumb. Caesar Bason: Since you been talkin' all night, I'm surprised you don't have a blister on your tongue. |
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| “ | John Whittaker: Well, did you know that prayer is more than just talking to God—prayer is having a conversation with God? And when we do that, we need to allow room for God to talk to us. Marvin Washington: God talks to us? John Whittaker: Well, yes, in different ways—maybe not in an audible voice, but He talks to us in our thoughts, through our teachers, through the Bible. And sometimes we have to just be still and listen. |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: I’m gonna lose the sticker contest! Marvin Washington: I have a big hole on my head and I’m wearing dirty clothes! |
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| “ | Ed Washington: You kids don't know how easy you have it. Elaine Washington: That's right. No bills, no budget. Ed Washington: No worries, no stress. Marvin Washington: No money... |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Hey. Since I play drums, maybe we can get together and jam sometime. William Diamond: I've done me a fair amount of pickling in my time. Although my sisters do the jamming at our house. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Hey, maybe Xavier took the jar with him. You know how he likes pickles. Ed Washington: I don't think pickles would fit well in his suitcase, and I don't think his mom would appreciate washing pickle juice out of his clothes. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: I'm in trouble, but you're toast. Trent DeWhite: Thanks, Marvin. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: It's about this girl from school. She just moved here. Connie Kendall: I remember being the new girl at school. Marvin Washington: She moved from California, and she's really smart. Connie Kendall: Wow! Sounds like she and I have a lot in common. Marvin Washington: And, well, she's not very good-looking. Connie Kendall: Well, of course, that's where the similarities end. |
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| “ | John Whittaker: To my knowledge camels only come in large, with humps. I hope you're OK with that. Marvin Washington: I hope you are. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: I'm the skeleton. Without the skeleton, your body would just...lie on the ground in a big mess. |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: Are you feeling as guilty as I am? Marvin Washington: Are you ready to crawl under a rock? Tamika Washington: Uh-huh. Marvin Washington: Then yes. |
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| “ | Trent DeWhite: You know, I've never actually had a Whit's End pizza. Marvin Washington: Yeah, well, he makes it with an old copy machine. Trent DeWhite: Heh. I should've asked for extra toner. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: But, Dad, you get to buy stuff you want all the time! Ed Washington: Such as? Marvin Washington: Uh, well, toothpaste! Tamika Washington: And don't forget the new toilet plunger! Ed Washington: Toothpaste and a toilet plunger! Suddenly I feel like a very rich man. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Oink! The troops! |
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| “ | Eugene Meltsner: I hereby announce that the Edu-link and all it's components are hereby functioning within their expected norms of capacity. Marvin Washington: Huh? Eugene Meltsner: It works! |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Hey, a deal's a deal. Bernard Walton: Spoken like a true used car salesman. |
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| “ | John Whittaker: If you're filling your mind with the good stuff, there won't be any room for the bad stuff. Marvin Washington: Bad stuff? Does that include story problems? |
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| “ | Elaine Washington: So, my darling children... Marvin Washington: Um, can we rewind about four minutes and act like this never happened? Elaine Washington: I don't think so. Why don't we all sit down and... have a chat. Marvin Washington: <very nervously> Chat? |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Look! The pizza's almost gone. And if that goes, the only option is that mystery casserole the lunch lady cooked up. Trent DeWhite: This isn't the time to complain about trivial matters! I need to think of a way to get out of the gifted class! Marvin Washington: How about you stop using phrases like "trivial matters?" |
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| “ | Wooton Bassett: You look kind of like Powerboy did after he got locked in the Tweezers of Doom. Marvin Washington: I do? Wooton Bassett: Sure. Except you still have your eyebrows. |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: God, I had this really weird thought the other day, and I wanted You to tell me what it was all about. You see, something popped into my head that I should give Grady my bike. Now I know that sounds crazy, but... then I found out he doesn't have one. I mean... this is my brand new bike! Okay... I'll tell you what. If you want me to give away my bike, just send me a sign. Right now. I'll wait. <thunder rumbles> Just any sign at all. ...Okay, I'll just take that as a "no." |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Honey, I'm home! Tamika Washington: Will you stop that?! |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Wow, that was quick! Connie Kendall: Yup. Eugene's the only one I know who can sleep standing up. Here Marvin; help me get him to the couch. |
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| “ | Bernard Walton: And is there any way to slow this thing down on the way back? Marvin Washington: Well, sure, there is. Bernard Walton: Are you gonna do it? Marvin Washington: <laughs> Nope. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: I think I've got the scurvy! |
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| “ | Tamika Washington: This is a sensitive subject! Mr. Whittaker is obviously rich, and so he's not going to heaven. Someone sensitive needs to tell him. Marvin Washington: I'm sensitive! Tamika Washington: Marvin, this morning you told Mom that the wrinkles on her face reminded you of our trip to the Grand Canyon. Marvin Washington: The Grand Canyon's beautiful! |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Well, by the time the generator was fixed, everybody had kind of moved away from the gazebo. I guess their ears hurt or something. And so we ended up playing our last set for Aubrey and her grandfather. He seemed to like it. Wooton Bassett: Yeah, uh, he had his hearing aid turned down. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: I guess we just saw the impossible happen. Huh, Mr. Whittaker? John Whittaker: I think we saw something even more important than the impossible, Marvin. I think we discovered there's no such thing. |
” |
| “ | Abraham Darrow: I think history deserves to be treated well. Marvin Washington: What do you mean? Abraham Darrow: This is how people lived their lives! They worked, they suffered, they made a home for themselves! They made a country for us! We’ve forgotten that. People nowadays, they — they know instant cash machines, and video games, and television, and eight-hour workdays! I respect history, and the people who made it. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Trent! How do you get pink paint out of underwear? Trent DeWhite: What?! |
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| “ | Marvin Washington: Lester, what ever happened to the missing jar of pickles? You know; the ones in the pantry? Lester: Marvin? Marvin Washington: Yes? Lester: Three, eighteen, ninety-nine. Marvin Washington: I knew you were going to say that. |
” |
| “ | Trent DeWhite: So let me get this straight—you're gonna leave your old junker bike here... as a surprise gift? Marvin Washington: It's not a junker, it's a classic. Trent DeWhite: You're nuts. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Elmer Fudd works for the government? |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: <gasp> Wow! John Whittaker: Marvin, that's a water cooler. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: [Pizza] delivery wasn’t as good as it is today. The nearest pizza place was like, two thousand miles away! They had a deal where, if you didn’t get your pizza in three days, it was free! |
” |
| “ | John Whittaker: And this speed is a little too powerful! <turns on fan> Marvin Washington: Mr. Whittaker! It's sucking my eyeballs out of their sockets! |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: It looks like a fish! Tamika Washington: A fish with a giant gun coming out of its forehead? |
” |
| “ | Trent DeWhite: Fine, Marvin—you can just humiliate yourself all alone next weekend! I quit! Marvin Washington: You can't quit! Trent DeWhite: See ya! <door closes> Marvin Washington: He'll be back. <door opens> Oh, you're back! Trent DeWhite: I forgot my cello. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Maybe we can give him your bike! Trent DeWhite: Why?! Marvin Washington: Why not? Trent DeWhite: Well, God didn't tell me to! Marvin Washington: But I can't give him mine! It's a brand-new Stingray 21-speed bike! Trent DeWhite: Yes—that you won't let anyone else ride, Marvin! |
” |
| “ | Ed Washington: Do you have your verse memorized? Marvin Washington: Uh, yeah! Uh, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." Ed Washington: Your verse, Marvin! |
” |
| “ | Eugene Meltsner: Hmm. Note: need more ergonomic handle. <beat> Hmm. Note: need more efficient gear ratio. Marvin Washington: <handle breaks> Oops! Eugene Meltsner: Hmm. Note: need new assistant. Marvin Washington: What? Eugene Meltsner: Mmm. Merely jesting, Master Washington. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: <on the phone> Hi, Tamika. It's me, Marvin. Can you tell Mom and Dad I'm okay? I'll be home in about ten minutes. And Tamika...I just wanted you to know, I think I'd really miss it if you didn't talk so much; I mean, you can be really funny sometimes. No, I don't need to borrow any money; I was just sayin' that—never mind. Happy Valentine's Day. Bart Rathbone: <on the phone with Doris> I, ah... I just wanna say I love you. Bernard Walton: <on the phone with Maude> No, I am not going through a midlife crisis! Bart Rathbone: No, really, it's Bart! |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Doesn’t God tell Peter not to give his horse to a Gentile or something like that? John Whittaker: I don’t remember that passage. Marvin Washington: Maybe that was the movie version. |
” |
| “ | Marvin Washington: Maybe we could all shave our heads. That'll show unity! Ed Washington: We're not that unified. |
” |
| “ | Marvin: There's not gonna be a next game. I'm quitting. Ed: That's too bad. I need a right-fielder. Richville's got a lot of lefties. Could be a lot of balls going to right. Marvin: Put Joey out there. He can catch better than me. Ed: But Joey's my left fielder. Marvin: Then put a porpoise in right field! |
” |
Xavier
| “ | Xavier Washington: You have a weird family, Uncle Ed. I'm getting a sandwich. |
” |
| “ | Xavier Washington: Hey, Nick! I was wondering, what would that look like as a science fiction movie? Nick Mulligan: I don't know... why don't you come up and we'll show everybody! |
” |
| “ | Xavier Washington: What's the deal? Is the ice cream that good? Ed Washington: I don't know, but you can't really go wrong when it's free! Xavier Washington: Free?! Mr. Whittaker said you could give away the ice cream for free? Ed Washington: No! It was sort of my idea! Xavier Washington: Are you sure it was a good one? Ed Washington: No, I'm pretty sure it wasn't! I'm gonna bankrupt the shop, and I don't even work here! |
” |
| “ | Xavier Washington: I once lived in a house with no ceiling! ...Okay, I didn't. But you make do with what you got! |
” |
| “ | Xavier Washington: The only reason I'm here is because you made a promise to your little brother before he died. So that's what I am: a family obligation. |
” |
| “ | Xavier Washington: Wow. You're all stuck in jail! |
” |
Kelly
| “ | Kelly: Picnics in the rain are fun. Ed Washington: No...they’re not. They’re just...wet. |
” |
| “ | Kelly: Eww, is it bad? Connie Kendall: Well, it could use an air freshener or twelve. |
” |
| “ | Locus: Not a peep, girl! Kelly: Get your big, smelly hands off me! |
” |
| “ | Kelly: Come on. There's no need to beat around the bush. We're not kids. Ed Washington: Funny. Last time I checked you were. |
” |
| “ | Kelly: Can’t we just kill a bear, or at least go to the store for berries? |
” |
| “ | Kelly: I don't like you very much! Judas Iscariot: Funny. Not many people do. |
” |
| “ | Elaine Washington: What if you'd gotten hurt, or—I don't know, mugged? Kelly: We live on Sesame Street. Who is gonna mug me? |
” |
| “ | Tamika Washington: Where's my air freshener? <sprays her air freshener> Kelly Washington: What's that smell? Tamika Washington: The scent is called "Butter Cream Frosting," and it beats repulsive sandwich any day! Kelly Washington: It smells like the Keebler factory exploded or something! Ugh, it's too sweet. Where did I put my air freshener? Ah, here it is. <sprays her air freshener> Tamika Washington: Oh, great, like that's any better. Instead of rotten tuna, we have... ugh, herd of cows! It's disgusting! Kelly Washington: It is not. It doesn't smell anything like a herd of cows. It's called "New Leather," actually! |
” |