User:Scientific Guy/Iliad House/Time Train
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“Time Train” is episode #2 of the Iliad House audio series. It was written and directed by Phil Lollar, and was released November 2016.
Summary
Jesse and Stu realize that the train they have been using as a clubhouse can actually move – through time!
Cast
| Role | Actor |
|---|---|
| Narrator | Phil Lollar |
| Announcer | Tammi Romani |
| Jesse Davidson | Ian Reid |
| Cassandra Wilson | Tracy Van Dolder |
| Stuart Martin | Daniel Heffington |
| Christopher Portalis | Daniel Noa |
Transcription
Narrator: They say stories are best told by the people who live them. Well, you’ll have to be the judge of that, but I’ll do the best I can. And Jupiter’s moons, what a story it is! Welcome to Iliad House!
Narrator: Fear. Dread. Fright. Alarm. Panic. Terror. Trepidation. All are strong, often unpleasant, and even painful emotional reactions caused by the anticipation of danger, brought about by the unknown. So when the pleasant, peaceful, butterfly-laden clearing with the old, gnarled oak in front of Jesse changed into an ominous, dark, medieval carcass, the howling wind filled with whispers, the butterflies turned to ravens, the old, gnarled oak transformed into a shrouded skeleton; it was not knowing why all of this happened that caused Jesse’s quite understandable reaction.
Jesse: <screams>
Narrator: And, not knowing why upon shaking his head all suddenly returned to normal, that generated an even greater, if less audible, fear in him.
Jesse: Hoo, boy; calm down, Jesse. Heart rate back to normal, please. Now you’ve got me seeing things, Cassandra. Come on, up we go.
Cassandra: Wait! But–
Jesse: It’s just a clearing, see?
Cassandra: …Yeah.
Jesse: Are you coming?
Cassandra: Not that way!
Jesse: Maybe you should go back. Go home.
Cassandra: No! I have to go with you, just… not that way. Please, Jesse.
Jesse: Alright, alright. Come on.
Narrator: While the source of Jesse’s fear was the unknown, he suspected the source of Cassandra’s reaction to the clearing was quite different. For several moments, neither said a word as they trudged through the thickets and scrub brush, giving a wide berth to the clearing. But, as they neared their destination, Jesse’s jumbled thoughts about the issue coalesced and, slipping by his politeness filter, emerged from his lips as the following mutter.
Jesse: You really are crazy. <pauses> Did I say that out loud?
Cassandra: Yes, you did. And I am not! I know what I say may be strange, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Jesse: Yeah? Well, I know one thing you said that isn’t true. In fact, it’s impossible!
Cassandra: What?
Jesse: You said you needed to go with me on the train.
Cassandra: Why is that so impossible?
Jesse: Because, Cassandra, this train… <clears brush> …doesn’t move.
Cassandra: Woah. It’s… amazing.
Jesse: Glad ya think so. Blasted thing gives me the willies.
Narrator: When Jesse said the train doesn’t move, he wasn’t being entirely honest. In fact, movement was the reason for Jesse’s squeamishness about the train. Well, that and his address. Iliad House, Jesse’s home, sits atop a small rise at the southern tip of an island, Verity Island, which lies across the Prudence River from Verity City, on the east coast of the United States. In addition to Iliad House, Verity Island contains an artisans’ village, also called Verity; an old stone-and-wood fort; the ruins of an even older Native American encampment; and, not far from the encampment, the object of Jesse’s squeamishness, an old train. When Jesse first moved to Iliad House, he took a video camera and made a documentary as part of a school assignment, interviewing some of the island’s other residents about their home. Unfortunately, the documentary didn’t tell Jesse anything more about either the train or his new home than he and everyone else already knew, a fact that his teacher pointed out to just before marking the project with a C-minus. Of course, when all of the students in his class learned where and with whom Jesse lived, they gave him a different kind of mark, that of weirdo-loser. All of the students, that is, except one, who was particularly intrigued by a certain aspect of Jesse’s documentary, and approached him about it as Jesse headed home that afternoon.
Stu: Hi, I’m Stuart; I-I go by Stu; I’m new here too; do you really live near an abandoned old train; can I see it?
Jesse: Uhh, yeah, sure! Come on!
Stu: I love trains!
Jesse: If a friendship was born at that moment, it was sealed as soon as Stu saw the depot, locomotive, coal car, and caboose for himself.
Stu: Awesome! I hereby declare this our new clubhouse!
Jesse: What, the depot or the train?
Stu: All of it! And no girls allowed. RRAAARRRGHHH!!
Jesse: RRAARRRRR!!
From that time on, the two spent every waking, non-school moment they could at their new club.
Jesse: Aah, there’s a missile coming to the left!
Stu: Gaaaa!
Jesse: There’s an invader to the right! There’s another one there! Oh, good shot! Ya just got that one; there’s another one to your left…!
Narrator: They fixed up and decorated the depot and climbed and played all over the train, from locomotive to caboose. Though for some reason, that will become apparent later on, they couldn’t get inside the caboose.
Stu: Rats! I- It’s locked up tighter than a drum.
Jesse: We can’t even see inside of it. The windows are all boarded up.
Stu: I wonder what’s in there.
Jesse: I don’t know. My turn to be engineer! RAARR!! <both laugh>
Narrator: And so it went for more than a year, with both Jesse and Stu making the first real friends either of them had ever had in their lives. Then one morning, Jesse, late for school again, jogged up the path toward the depot and the train on the way to his skiff to cross the river, when something happened.
Jesse: <panting> Dopey alarm clock! Didn’t go off again! Please let my history teacher be sick, please! <growing whirring noise> Jesse: What is that?
Narrator: Just as he came into view of the depot, there was a blinding flash.
Jesse: <whir dying away, faint train whistle> What!! Th-th-the train, it’s… gone!
Narrator: It had disappeared right before his eyes. When a semblance of sense returned to his faculties, Jesse ran to his skiff, skidded across the river, raced to the school, grabbed Stu–
Stu: Hey!
Narrator: –dragged him back to the skiff, skidded back across the river, and all but carried him back toward the depot.
Jesse: You have to see it! Or, not see it!
Stu: See what?
Jesse: The train! It’s, it’s… here!
Stu: <annoyed> Of course it’s here. Where else would it be?
Jesse: But where did it come from?
Stu: Jesse, what did I tell you about eating cafeteria food? That stuff does things to your mind.
Jesse: I’m serious, Stu! Where did this train come from?
Stu: How should I know? It’s just always been here.
Jesse: But– it– I… Jupiter’s moons…
Narrator: The sudden appearance of the train and Stu’s non-reaction to its sudden appearance had so stunned Jesse that he decided to do something that he at any other time would’ve pulled his own head off rather than do. He decided to talk to his uncle about it.
Jesse: So, what do you think, Uncle Chris?
Portalis: Hmm. Very interesting.
Jesse: “Very interesting”? I just told you that I saw a train pop out of existence and then reappear again, and all you can say is, “Very interesting”? How can something just vanish and then reappear?
Portalis: Are you familiar with the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?
Jesse: Maybe.
Portalis: You either are or you’re not; there is no ‘maybe.’
Jesse: Alright, then no.
Portalis: He created Sherlock Holmes.
Jesse: Oh, why didn’t you say so? I know Sherlock Holmes.
Portalis: Then you’ve read his stories.
Jesse: No.
Portalis: <sighs> One of his guiding maxims is, when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Jesse: How poetic.
Portalis: Do you wear glasses?
Jesse: You know I don’t.
Portalis: Then it isn’t possible that the sun caused a glare from them that momentarily blinded you?
Jesse: No.
Portalis: What about the sun itself? Was it in your eyes?
Jesse: No, it was behind me; and, besides, I was in the shade. Maybe I was hallucinating, seeing things that didn’t actually happen.
Portalis: Have you ever seen things that didn’t actually happen before?
Jesse: No.
Portalis: Do you have trouble with your eyes: a stigmatism or myopia?
Jesse: Not to my knowledge.
Portalis: I’ve seen your medical records. You don’t.
Jesse: Oh.
Portalis: Nor do you have a brain tumor or affliction. So we can rule out those as things that would have affected your ocular nerves.
Jesse: That’s comforting.
Portalis: Have you ever been hit on the head, or knocked unconscious?
Jesse: No.
Portalis: I see. Well, that’s all I can think of.
Jesse: So, you’re saying that I actually saw a train disappear and reappear?
Portalis: I’m saying, along with Holmes, that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. In this case, we have identified and eliminated the impossible, so what remains…
Jesse: …Must be the truth.
Portalis: Just so.
Jesse: Well, what should I do?
Portalis: You have two choices. One, you can forget this ever happened, or, two, you can believe it did happen and follow the adventure wherever it leads.
Narrator: Jesse decided the best thing for him to do was to follow choice number one, and so he spent the bulk of the next year trying to forget what he saw, and staying away from the train, until today, when he showed it to Cassandra.
Jesse: As you can see, it’s an 1860s-era locomotive, coal car, and caboose. The depot was built in the same era, and, if you notice, there’s just enough track for the train to sit on: no more, no less.
Cassandra: It’s just like I’ve seen it.
Jesse: “Seen it”? Then you have been spying on me.
Cassandra: I don’t mean seen it physically.
Stu: She means psychically: one of her visions, right?
Cassandra: Yes.
Stu: What is she doing here?
Jesse: Well, uh…
Cassandra: I’m supposed to be here. I have to go with Jesse.
Stu: Uh… huh… ’Scuse us for a second, Cassandra. <whispers> Why’d you bring your girlfriend here?
Jesse: Will you cut that out? She’s not my girlfriend! And I didn’t bring her here; she followed me!
Stu: Well, I don’t want her here!
Jesse: Then you tell her. Every time I try to, she goes all postal on me.
Stu: You are such a wimp! You just need to be firm with her, that’s all.
Jesse: Okay, tough guy, have at it.
Cassandra: You know I can hear you guys.
Stu: Look, Cra–ay… Cassandra, this isn’t really something you’d be interested in, so—
Cassandra: I’m staying, Stu.
Stu: Ya– okay.
Jesse: Way to be “firm.”
Stu: She’s mean!
Cassandra: All the windows in the caboose are blacked out. Hiding something?
Jesse: No, we don’t know why they’re blacked out. We’ve never been able to get in there.
Stu: Uh, that’s not entirely… accurate.
Jesse: What?
Stu: I’ve been able to get in for the past six months. It’s part of my new experiment. That’s why we’re here today.
Jesse: What are you talking about?
Stu: Come in, and I’ll show you. Just… don’t touch anything. You are about to enter into the realm… of genius!
Narrator: The caboose is widely considered by many to be the most intriguing and romanticized part of a train. It may have something to do with the fact that you can turn it into whatever you want it to be. In this case, the caboose was part laboratory and part storage room, cluttered with supplies, gadgets, tools, lab equipment, computer parts, with doors, front and back, and stuff you’d find in a clubhouse: superhero posters, comic books, and fast food containers filled with half-eaten scraps that used to be food but now resembled the surface of an alien world. The most striking things, however, were four huge, floor-to-ceiling cylinders, one in each corner of the car.
Cassandra: Looks like we’ve entered into the realm… of clutter!
Stu: Messy workroom, organized brain. This is where my ideas ferment.
Cassandra: <sniffs> Among other things. When did you last take out the garbage?
Jesse: Never mind that; what are those cylinder things?
Stu: Power cells! Like huge batteries, only they self-generate. Hand me those gloves. Oh, and everyone, put on goggles, please.
Cassandra: Why would you need that much power?
Stu: In part, for what’s in this box.
Jesse: So that’s why you needed the cable: to attach the box to the power cells!
Stu: Not the box, <opens it> what’s in the box.
Cassandra: That’s it? A piece of glowy junk?
Stu: No, O ye of little brain. This “piece of glowy junk” is a temporal regulator. It’s the key to the whole experiment.
Cassandra: Looks more like two large doorknobs connected by a digital watch.
Jesse: What experiment, Stu? What are we doing here?
Stu: Open that door.
Jesse: “That door” leads to the back of the coal car.
Stu: Just open it!
Jesse: <sighs> Ehh, okay. <opens it> Like I said, “to the back of the coal car.”
Stu: The second panel from the top. See the nail sticking out of the right side?
Jesse: Yeah?
Stu: Push it!
<click, woosh>
Cassandra: What in the world?
Jesse: Oh, my— Stu!
Stu: <laughs> Told ya!
Narrator: The reason for the stunned reactions from Jesse and Cassandra upon opening the door leading to the coal car is twofold. First, upon opening the back side of the coal car, Jesse, Stu, and Cassandra stood on the threshold of a well-lit passage into, and straight through, the interior of the car to another door at its opposite end. And second, the interior of the coal car contained neither coal nor diamonds, though what was in it twinkled like the proverbial “diamond in the sky” lauded in song and nursery rhyme: gleaming, pristine machinery and computer components.
Jesse: This… is incredible!
Stu: You don’t know the half of it: follow me!
Jesse: Where?
Stu: To the engine, of course. It all happens in the engine! Come on, time’s a-waitin’! The top of this car is a false top, with a layer of coal covering it. We never liked playing on the coal, so we never dug deep enough to discover that. Second panel from the top: push in the nail.
Jesse: <click, woosh> This is unbelievable, Stu! How did you discover all this?
Stu: I’ll show you, I promise. First, the experiment. Come into the engine compartment.
Cassandra: <grunts> And I thought the caboose was messy. Ever heard of a broom?
Stu: This mess, my dear, is going to revolutionize science! It’s going to make us all… immortal!
Jesse: How, Stu? I-I mean, I always thought there was something… weird about this thing, but… it’s just an old train, right?
Stu: Au contraire, mon ami! This “old train” … is a time machine!
Jesse: Jupiter’s moons…!
Cassandra: <cracks up and laughs for a minute, then clears throat>
Stu: Don’t believe me, eh?
Cassandra: <still giggling> Lemme put it this way: you’re crazier than I am!
Stu: Mmm. We shall see. Jesse, the handle at the end of the whistle cord?
Jesse: What about it?
Stu: It’s attached to the cord with a hook. Take it off.
Jesse: O…kay.
Stu: Now, see that slot just above the furnace door? Stick the handle in it and twist it clockwise.
Jesse: Stu…?
Stu: Just do it!
Jesse: …Here goes! <ratchet noise> It’s a false front!
Stu: Yeah! The whole panel slides up into the ceiling, like a garage door. Slide it!
<sliding noise>
Cassandra: That’s amazing. What is it?
Stu: The D.U.
Cassandra: The what?
Stu: “D.U.”: Drive Unit. It takes up the whole boiler, right up to the front of the engine. And the temporal regulator, the… “glowy junk,” as you call it, goes right in… uh, here. <snap, whir>
Cassandra: Woah.
Stu: Ha ha! Okay, look out the window, across the river. See the digital clock display at the top of the bank tower in Verity City?
Jesse: Yeah… I didn’t know you could see that from here.
Stu: Cassandra, make yourself useful. Uh, set this watch to the same time as the tower.
Cassandra: Okay …three thirty-five P.M.
Stu: Excellent. Okay, now: here’s where you come in, Jesse. I need to monitor the equipment in the coal car, so– you see that lever in front of you?
Jesse: Yeah.
Stu: I can’t monitor the equipment and work the lever at the same time, so I need you to push it forward.
Jesse: That’s it?
Stu: That’s it!
Jesse: Now?
Stu: Lemme get to my spot in the coal car… <typing> Okay! Now!!
Jesse: <exhales> Here goes.
Cassandra: No, don’t!
Jesse: Jupiter’s moons, Cassandra!
Cassandra: Don’t do it. Please, Jesse!
Stu: Oohh! Look who believes all of a sudden!
Cassandra: It’s not that I believe you, it’s just—
Jesse: Just what? Another one of your feelings?
Stu: “Feelings”? We’re stopping scientific progress for “feelings”?
Cassandra: Yes! At least we should! This is going to end up badly, Jesse.
Stu: A minute ago, you were laughing at me. Now you’re concerned? She’s crazy, Jesse; push the lever!
Cassandra: Don’t call me crazy. I know what I know, Jesse, please.
Stu: You’ve been looking for your ‘thing,’ Jesse. Well– this is it!
Jesse: …Sorry, Cassandra.
Stu: Yesss!!
Cassandra: No…
Stu: <typing> Okay, Jesse: do it!
Jesse: <lever clicks> Nothing happened.
Stu: Give it more!
<more clicks>
Stu: More! More!
Cassandra: N– Stop! Stop it!!
Jesse: Cassandra, let go! <rapid clicks>
Stu: What?
Jesse: She made me push it all the way forward!
Stu: No! Pull it back! Pull it back!
<flash, whir dying away>
Jesse: What… just happened?
Stu: The clocks! Look at the bank tower!
Jesse: It says three forty-two! What about the watch? Cassandra?
Cassandra: …It says… three… thirty-seven.
Jesse: The bank clock is five minutes fast!
Stu: Not fast: ahead! We just jumped five minutes into the future! It works!! My time train works!! <running outside> AAAH, MY TIME TRAIN WORKS!!! I LOVE MY TIME TRAIN!! THE FUTURE! MY TIME TRAIN WORKS…
Jesse: Jupiter’s moons… S-t-Stu? W-wait! Stu!
Cassandra: No, no, no no no no no…
- To hear the rest of the episode, purchase Iliad House: Series 1, available now on CD and MP3.