No Chemistry Whatsoever
Colossians 3:17
“No Chemistry Whatsoever” is episode #729 of the Adventures in Odyssey audio series. It was written by Kathy Buchanan, and originally aired on August 24, 2013.
Summary
Connie and Penny are hoping for an easy chemistry class until they find out their professor will be Eugene Meltsner. Meanwhile, Barrett must figure out how to memorize dozens of Bible verses in a week.
Plot
Penny Wise and Connie Kendall are at Campbell County Community College for a 7:30 a.m. chemistry class. Connie has heard many things about the professor being easy. Then the dean of the science department makes an announcement saying that the original professor for the class couldn't make it in to teach this semester so they had to fill in with another professor at the college, Eugene Meltsner.
The duo go to Whit's End and discuss the class with John Whittaker (Whit). Connie is worried because first impressions of Eugene's teaching shows that he'll be a demanding teacher. Eugene overhears Connie saying that she might drop the class and he tries to encourage her to stay. She makes the comment that Chemistry is boring. Eugene answers with, "We'll see about that."
During Sunday school, Barrett Jones tells Olivia Parker that he's not doing the Bible verse contest. She reminds him that there is some sort of prize for those that participate. Barrett doesn't seem convinced. Olivia asks Whit if he can tell them what the prize is now. Since there's only a week left of the contest, he tells them that the prize for anyone who memorizes 25 verses gets a free pass to Waterworld. Barrett seems suddenly interested and is distraught that Whit didn't tell them the prize before. Whit states that he didn't want them doing it just for the prize. Barrett is frustrated with the amount of work he's going to have to do in order to go.
At Whit's End, Connie and Penny tell Whit about their chemistry quiz. Penny got an A and Connie got a D. Penny tells Connie her secret to studying. She puts everything to song and sings it in her head. Penny demonstrates this strategy using the periodic table. Penny reminds her that you get out of something what you put into it.
Meanwhile, Olivia finds Barrett with his nose in a Bible, memorizing verses so he can go to Water World. He tells her that he's found a great method to memorize 25 verses: finding the shortest verses in the Bible and memorizing those. He quotes to Olivia, verses including; Job 3:2 "He said." Luke 17:32 "Remember Lot's wife." and John 11:35 "Jesus wept."
During Chemistry class, Eugene tells a joke that nobody laughs at. Class ends, and Connie tells Eugene that she intends to withdraw. She tells him that he's a little too demanding with quizzes and tests. Eugene tells her that he'll remove one quiz if she'll remain in the class. He also moves back the reaction project by one day.
At Sunday school, Whit talks about how God's word will help you know what to do in certain situations. He presents different scenarios and the class quotes verses that go with the situations. Barrett quotes a verse, but doesn't know the context behind it. Whit reminds everyone that even the short verses are important but it's important to know the context. Whit encourages Barrett to quote a longer verse and give a situation but he can't.
During Chemistry class, Connie and Penny demonstrate the chemical reactions in hair dye. Penny accidentally got beachy blonde dye instead of chestnut brown. Eugene mixes some chemicals to stop the chemical reaction and save Connie's hair. Later Connie approaches Eugene while he's recording his notes. She apologizes for not being a great chemistry student. Eugene tells her she's capable of excelling in his class. He wonders if her pride is interfering with her ability to learn. Connie admits that he's right and commits to doing her best for the rest of the course. She leaves to go study for the next quiz.
Olivia and Barrett both make it to water world, but Barrett says that he doesn't deserve to go. Barrett tells Whit he's sorry for taking the easy way out. Whit reminds Barrett that when we take shortcuts to something as important as the Bible the one we hurt the most is ourselves by missing out on learning something. Whit lets Barrett go as long as he can learn the meaning and context of the verses and shares them with the class.
Connie's studying has paid off because she gets a B+ on her exam. Then Eugene's phone rings and the ringtone is Connie saying: "You're right Eugene, I admit it." Connie naturally reprimands him for saving that as his ringtone and tries to force him to delete it.
Discussion Questions
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Cast
Notes
- In the closing wrap Chris says that the "talented cast" is made up of the six basic elements which compose humans: oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus.
- In-Universe
- Whit refers to Connie being valedictorian of her graduating class; this occurred in #405: “The Graduate”.
- Barrett's use of the expression "Badunsh" after a joke was also used by Dwayne Oswald in #391: “The Joke's On You”.
- Eugene previously utilized a tape diary in #171: “The Cross of Cortes, Part 1”.
- Eugene refers to the time Connie was his teacher; this occurred in #194: “A License to Drive”.
- Allusions
- Connie references author Charles Dickens.
Quotes
Penny Wise: “Beryllium is a silly one. Magnesium's not in cheese-ium. Instead that would be calcium. Yummy in my tummium!” Then I break into a chorus. Ready? “Ohhhh, it's not just a fable; it's the periodic table, yeah!”
Penny Wise: You have to put something in to get something out, I always say. You don't get anything good by doing nothing.
Connie Kendall: Well, as soon as I figure out what you just said, I'll have an incredible comeback.
John Whittaker: These verses will come in handy when you need to know the truth. My hope is that your verses will help you in the practical situations you face. For example, let’s say that one of your friends wanted you to watch a movie that had bad content. Did anyone learn a verse that might help in that situation?
Olivia Parker: Oh, um I did!
John Whittaker: Yes, Olivia.
Olivia Parker: Ok, um, Philippians 4:8. Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.
John Whittaker: You see, when we hide God's word in our hearts, we can draw on His truths whenever we need them.
Eugene Meltsner: Can you explain a little about how the chemicals are reacting please?
Connie Kendall: Well, in about ten minutes you'll see my hair turn into a lovely chestnut brown.
Penny Wise: You mean beachy blonde.
Connie Kendall: Don't be silly Penny. You know I always use chestnut brown.
Penny Wise: I thought you said you wanted to try being blonde.
Connie Kendall: My assistant is kidding. I said that I wondered what it would look like to be blonde at one in the morning after a two liter bottle of caffeinated soda.
Penny Wise: Well, on the upside, the reaction is working wonderfully. And your hair is already getting lighter.
John Whittaker: Thank you, Barrett. But you don't need to apologize to me.
Barrett Jones: Yeah, I know. Jesus wept.
John Whittaker: Well, apart from that, the one you hurt was you. Which is often the case when we take a shortcut to something as important as the Bible. We're the ones missing out on what we could learn.
Connie Kendall: Eugene, was that you're ringtone?
Eugene Meltsner: Well, yes. You may recall that I was recording my notes when you came in to see me the other night. Well, I just happened to record what you said and I-
Connie Kendall: Happened to? Happened to record it? And happened to make it your ringtone?
Eugene Meltsner: It was such a rare statement. I needed some verifiable proof and I didn't want to lose it so I-
Connie Kendall: You need to delete that, Right now. Other people can't hear that. Think of my reputation!
Dean of Science Department: Professor Sharp will not be teaching the fundamentals of chemistry this semester, so allow me to introduce your instructor, Professor Eugene Meltsner!
Penny Wise: What!
Eugene Meltsner: Greetings and Salutations!
Connie Kendall: We are in trouble.
Chris Anthony: Our talented cast was made up of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus, and other important chemical elements. That cast included…
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